Don’t give up. I believe you when you say life is hard. I’ve heard about lots of hardships from solo moms who have experienced physical and mental abuse, abandonment, and financial hardship. But murdering yourself is not the answer.
A while back, my doctor put me on Prozac to reduce the symptoms of depression. But they didn’t help. I still wanted to end my life. I didn’t have a Prozac deficiency. I needed solutions to the many problems I had.
I stumbled around life in a fog. I had gone from a vibrant, confident woman to a hollowed-out desperate child. I kept hearing voices in my head. “Jump in front of that oncoming train”. “Let the steering wheel go while you’re driving”. ”Take them all now.”
I had gone from a vibrant, confident woman to a hollowed-out desperate child. I kept hearing voices in my head.
I had also met a man who used my face as a punching bag.
I had no one to reach out to. My friends had abandoned me. The minister I trusted had made passes at me so I couldn’t go to him for help.
But I had a full bottle of Prozac. I had help in that bottle. Since one a day couldn’t help me. The entire bottle at once could. Couldn’t it?
So I unscrewed the cap. I poured out all the pills in my left hand. I got up to get some water. But instead of going to the kitchen, I detoured to the bathroom. In a daze, I opened the toilet. I emptied my hand. I press the lever to flush.
Then I broke down and cried.
Suicide is a leading cause of death in the US.
Why would someone take their own life? The reasons are plenty. But no one knows what they are for sure. The answer died with them.
An average of 132 people each day commit suicide.
That’s a lot of people. But worldwide, the number is closer to 800,000 deaths per year and 25 million attempts.
But 132 is enough. One person taking his own life is plenty.
Suicide is a serious health concern for everyone. We all have a problem from which we want an escape. But we can’t give up.
I’ve contemplated suicide at several junctures throughout my life. I have some thoughts on it.
I’m not an expert. But I’ve also had to look into the desperate eyes of a loved one. I’ve had to watch a person I love, pick up a knife and threaten to plunge it into his chest. I’ve watched him flounder, trying to find his way but refusing professional help.
I know what it’s like to be afraid to go to work because I don’t want to leave him alone. And what it feels like to be at work wondering if I’m going to come home and find him dead.
Yes. I’m familiar with knowing a loved one who wants to take his own life. Who thinks that the only answer to him not thinking he’s good enough is to not be.
The agony that brings us to contemplate taking our own life is real. The experience. The voices. The trauma. Can all bring us to a point where we say, “sod it”. This is no way to live.
But is suicide the only answer?
I don’t think so. I’ve contemplated suicide on many occasions. Not simply think about it. But planned out ways I wanted to take my like. I wanted nothing more than to end my pain.
So here are my thoughts.
You will not commit murder
This is the 6th commandment. Don’t murder yourself. Some Christians believe that to commit suicide is to murder yourself. Murder breaks the 6th commandment.
Murdering yourself doesn’t solve anything
None of this discounts the fact that people who commit or want to commit suicide have mental challenges. No one is immune.
But most of you wouldn’t murder another person. So why kill yourself?
Don’t take the easy way out
Life is hard. For everyone. Even if it looks easy for someone. We all have demons to wrestle. I’m sure many people thought Robin Williams had it all together. He made people laugh. But his death is no laughing matter.
I wanted to take the easy way out in my twenties. I found myself alone. I had separated from my first husband. I had no financial support, so I left him with my young son. That was hard for me.
Then I took a roommate who gave me a bad check and skipped out on the lease. I couldn’t make ends meet. I couldn’t meet my basic needs, such as food. Much less cover the extra rent I hadn’t planned on.
If you feel like life is too hard for you to live, please ask for help.
In my mid-30’s, abandoned and left alone to raise a two and a four-year-old, I looked for ways to end pmy life. I was broke. Broken. Desperate.
How am I supposed to take care of infants when I couldn’t take care of myself? More questions than answers. The answers were frightening. Or nonexistent.
It seemed like killing myself was the best answer for me. That would make everything better. Yes. Killing myself would solve my problems. I wouldn’t have to deal with the burden that came with spousal abandonment. And since nobody would miss me, there was no loss.
But I had two young kids. What would happen to them? Their dad had abandoned us.
All the abandonment issues I had during childhood, raised their ugly heads at once. I hadn’t dealt with them. I didn’t know how.
To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether ’tis Nobler in the mind to suffer The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune, Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles, And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep No more; and by a sleep, to say we end The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks That Flesh is heir to? ’Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To die to sleep, To sleep, perchance to Dream; Aye, there’s the rub. ~~ William Shakespeare
So I stumbled around in life. Wanting to be dead. I’m thankful that I was often distracted by two crying babies. Or the landlord asking for his rent.
Sometimes it was a total stranger lending a hand. Shining their light into my dark life.
Don’t die with your dreams in you
How can you take away your warm smile from us? Your light has a dark path to illuminate. Our darkness needs your light.
But you are in your own darkness. Now to find that light.
My two babies are now adults. Twenty-five and twenty-seven. What would have happened to them if I had succumbed to the need to escape the pain? I’m glad I didn’t give up. Especially when they remind me of a fond memory, they have about growing up.
Don’t let your dreams die in you
You have so much to live for. You have not yet fulfilled your purpose. How dare you die with your dream inside you?
The world needs to hear your story. We need to feel your touch.
Don’t go. Don’t give up.
Get out now
If you are living in a situation that lets you think that your death is the only way out. If someone is abusing you. Can you get out? Can you find someone who can help you escape?
Call someone. Tell someone.
Call the National Suicide Hotline at dial 800–273–8255. You can also make your request online.
Your death is not the answer.
You are not alone
The last question I usually ask my podcast guest is, “what one piece of advice do you have for someone listening”. The overwhelming answer is always “you are not alone”.
There is someone out there who can help. But you have to trust. You may be broken, but you don’t have to fix yourself alone.
Prayer helps. Ask others to pray when you can’t. And even if you can. Reach out by phone, text, email, or social media post. Find a way to reach out.
Suicide is not the answer.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. ~~ Phil Donahue
What everyone can do
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Don’t wait. Start paying attention now. When was the last time you reached out to a friend or loved one? You may think someone is alright. Maybe they are.
I found the below post in my Twitter feed this morning.
Maybe they’re not.
Just be a friend. Or just be.
Begin today to give people your undivided attention. Listen. Make an effort to hear what they are actually saying. #BeThe1To
Originally published at Medium.com
Source: Marks, Mason. Artificial Intelligence Based Suicide Predictions. January 29, 2019.