Being a solo parent can be very challenging. Being solely responsible for the lives of others can also be a very lonely place. There are some cultures that discard their single mothers like two day old trash. Other cultures might just tolerate you. But consider that despite the fact that Hagar (single mom in the Bible) was the servant, she was loved and protected by God. God also responded to her cry for help. He will help you too. But you must change your mindset. You must learn to change your words.
Do you feel alone in the wilderness? Does raising children make you feel like you are always dodging the bullet? When was the last time you weren’t waiting for the other shoe to drop? Have you given up on finding peace and joy? Do you condemn yourself for being in the “position” you’re in?
From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:20-21)
Well I’m here to nix some of theses negative talks and show you how to live life, expecting only the best. It’s time. Look, I’ve experience these and many more feelings of frustration, hopelessness and condemnation. But one of the keys to finding joy is to untangle yourself from negative thinking and learn to change your words. Nip the negative self-talk in the bud. For “…we are snared by the words of our mouths”(Proverbs 6:2).
So let’s examine some of our thoughts, feelings, and words:
1. I’m all alone and nobody cares
It feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it? You look at your children, regardless of their age. Then you take a look at your life. You see nothing but very tall mountains and bottomless pits. But I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. First, you have a God who cares for you. Second, you have those amazing children. Finally, don’t let your own pride and self-loathing prevent you from reaching out to others who care. I mentioned this tip in How to Change Your Mindset When You Suddenly Become a Solo Mom. Yes, people do care. Change your words.
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2. Nothing ever goes right. It’s not going to work
If you believe you can or if you believe you can’t, you are right (Henry Ford). Think back to a time you had victory. You overcame a certain challenge. Build on that one victory. Remember how you felt. Now take that feeling and recreate it as you move again towards victory. And say it out loud! Believe that things will change and they will. Change your state. In the book, The Greatest Salesman in the World, Og Mandino has created the ten scrolls, which are ten affirmations for life. You can also sign up for a free audio of the scrolls on their website.
For a start, the first scroll is, “today I begin a new life“. What do you think will happen if you repeat this mantra to yourself every day for 7 days. Try it and see.
3. I’m a loser. Nothing good is going to happen to me. My kids deserve someone better. I’m a nobody
Wow! Children always need their parents. And if you are a solo mom, baby you are all they’ve got. Turn that thought around. Speak life into your surrounding. Stand in front of the mirror. Really look at yourself. Then close your eyes. Imagine what you desire. See it in your mind’s eye — visualize the new you. Then go forward speaking only positive words. For example, “I am beautiful”. And while you are on the treadmill, “I’m strong”. And while you consider the bills, etc. “I can do this”. Yes, change your words. A full text version of the 10 scrolls is available as well and may help you start to change your life today.
Take control of your consistent emotions and begin to consciously and deliberately reshape your daily experience of life. ~~Tony Robbins
4. I wish I had. I wish I hadn’t.
Living with regrets doesn’t solve anything. All that does is lock you in the past. Listen, the past is gone, you can’t change it. And you certainly can’t control the future. What you do have is today. Make the most of it. Make a change and change your life.
Realize now that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.